and now for some Spring..

Spring is finally here!!! I’m pretty sure there will be a few marvellous spring days then we’ll be plunged into the depths of Hades also know as Summer. The great thing about living in New York is you can actually see the change of seasons, so far Spring and Fall have been my favourite. Summer and Winter are evil and they can both rot for all I care !!

This is definitely a great time for the epic spring cleaning, I use to do this all the time back in L.A basically I sort through all of my belongings then throw away items I’m not using or give away to the Salvation Army. As a kid my parents had my brothers and I do this all the dam time. I’ll admit I hated HATED HaTeD cleaning.

I would rather be playing outside or annoying my brothers with silly faces then to be cleaning up the stupid house. I think it what made it worse was how militant my father was about cleaning/organization. My pops has a tendency to extremely organized lol. My papa ran his house like a well oiled machine, everything had a place…EVERYTHING.

If something was on the floor and was not picked up TRASH! if an item was left on the table and put in its rightful place TRASH! Don’t even think about leaving your hair brush in the bathroom otherwise the next day you’ll be sure to find it in the TRASH! ( I lost a lot of brushes during my hairbrush rebellion, I was trying to infiltrate the bathroom with my hairbrush, combs and hair products.. sadly I lost the war due to funding).

It wasn’t until I moved out to live in my own apartment I had started to notice many of my father’s habits manifest itself through me. anything I found on the floor went straight to the garbage, old makeup, old clothes, shoes, socks, old bills, paper, containers. I love throwing everything away! I wonder if there is a disease for people who simply love to throw things out????… hmmm I’m constantly watching Hoarders on A&E and there are moments when I just want to possess the hoarder and be able to say THROW IT ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL AWAY!!!

I’m so glad Spring is here!! Now I have to go to the store and stock up on some heavy duty garbage bags.

Red

Last week I stumbled on Youtube these gems, called BBC Shakespeare Animated Series.  They had my favorites which were Macbeth, Hamlet, and Julius Cesar, King Richard III. What I loved most was the art work and animation. So of course that led into a few ideas of what I wanted to draw…

This was my basic layout, in pencil I guess you can say it was an Ode to Hamlet and Macbeth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And this was the end product, manly oil pastels, watercolor and acrylics. So much layer of paint I never thought I would finish funny thing is that it had a top piece but for some reason I felt it wasn’t needed, so the top piece become a separate, I felt it could stand on its own. The theme is very different and it was inspired by a Sufi quote I heard. But I’ll go into more detail when that piece is finished.

 

Put the pencil down

Hmmm Its been about a few months, I think since the end of last year that I had made a drawing and worked with paint
( Acrylics) for the first time. I was content with the way it turned out, I used water-color mixed with paints. I always say to myself ” I’m going to do my artwork weekly”… which never pans out that way. Last week I was starting to want to sketch again but  I couldn’t bring myself to draw. I had way to many ideas but nothing stuck out which leaves me with a blank fish look. Last night, however I had gotten the impulse to just pick up and draw, which I did  ending up doing until 2 am. I would have continued but my hand was starting to hurt along with my back and neck.  Otherwise I’ll obsess about it until its finished, which is what is happening at this very moment.   I even dream about my art work, which is  never a pleasant experience I’m so immersed on what I’m working on it’s as though I can’t detach myself from it. Which of course is true, most of the time the artist’s work is an extension of the self, but for me I don’t like the feeling.  Its like I eat, sleep, drink, speak, poop, walk, run, sing, it, everything simply revolves around the piece I’m working on.  Right now its in the lay out period I haven’t touched it again. Usually when I obsess over it I’ll have to leave it alone for a few days before I can go back to it. Because when I do then I won’t stop until its completely done. I have to really set myself up for the task mentally and physically.    I”m sure you’re wondering but isn’t painting relaxing, doesn’t it fill you with joy and relaxation or at least help you to be calm, and think happy wonderful thoughts…..

 

 

1. NO…  it’s not calming or relaxing.. the last thing on my mind is happy, it more of mixture of what im feeling what I want to draw what I want objects to symbolize, what I want them to feel, how i want them to be expressed. I end up feeling like an angry tyrant trying to control the pencil and what I’m feeling.

2. NO .. I don’t think wonderful thoughts, in fact I become obsessed, consumed, immersed with what I’m drawing… for some reason Act V scene I in Macbeth always comes to mind whenever I start to think that way,

This is her very guise; and, upon my life, fast asleep. Observe
her; stand close.

DOCTOR.
How came she by that light?

GENTLEWOMAN.
Why, it stood by her: she has light by her continually; ’tis her
command.

DOCTOR.
You see, her eyes are open.

GENTLEWOMAN.
Ay, but their sense is shut.

DOCTOR.
What is it she does now? Look how she rubs her hands.

GENTLEWOMAN.
It is an accustomed action with her, to seem thus washing her
hands: I have known her continue in this a quarter of an hour.

LADY MACBETH.
Yet here’s a spot.

DOCTOR.
Hark, she speaks: I will set down what comes from her, to
satisfy my remembrance the more strongly.

LADY MACBETH.
Out, damned spot! out, I say!– One; two; why, then ’tis
time to do’t ;–Hell is murky!–Fie, my lord, fie! a soldier,
and afeard? What need we fear who knows it, when none can call
our power to account?–Yet who would have thought the old man to
have had so much blood in him?

DOCTOR.
Do you mark that?

LADY MACBETH.
The Thane of Fife had a wife; where is she now?–What,
will these hands ne’er be clean? No more o’ that, my lord, no
more o’ that: you mar all with this starting.

DOCTOR.
Go to, go to; you have known what you should not.

GENTLEWOMAN.
She has spoke what she should not, I am sure of that:
heaven knows what she has known.

LADY MACBETH.
Here’s the smell of the blood still: all the perfumes
of Arabia will not sweeten this little hand. Oh, oh, oh!

DOCTOR.
What a sigh is there! The heart is sorely charged.

GENTLEWOMAN.
I would not have such a heart in my bosom for the
dignity of the whole body.

DOCTOR.
Well, well, well,–

GENTLEWOMAN.
Pray God it be, sir.

DOCTOR.
This disease is beyond my practice: yet I have known those
which have walked in their sleep who have died holily in
their beds.

LADY MACBETH.
Wash your hands, put on your nightgown; look not so
pale:–I tell you yet again, Banquo‘s buried; he cannot come
out on’s grave.

DOCTOR.
Even so?

LADY MACBETH.
To bed, to bed; there’s knocking at the gate: come, come, come,
come, give me your hand: what’s done cannot be undone: to bed, to
bed, to bed.

I’ve lost my Artsy Fartsy … :P

Since the New Year has rolled around I haven’t been able to get back to my art work. I’ve been a bit stressed, worried and mainly overwhelmed to the point of exhaustion. I can thank debts, creditors, landlord and bills for that one. THANKS YOU JERKS!

I really been wanting to get back in the habit of doing some art work, nothing fancy but back to some basic sketches, drawings.. maybe even working with a bit charcoal. For some reason I do prefer to work with oil pastels however I’m all out of the color black  (extreme sad face)  NO I’M NOT DEPRESSED!  well  maybe I am but it doesn’t show in my art work. Or rather the color black used in my art doesn’t represent my depression but rather a sense of finding a way towards a solution a way of hope as opposed to emptiness and nothingness … does that make sense??

In any case, every time I bring out my sketchbook I seem to just stare at the blank page. ……………………………………………………nothing happens, no ideas, no thoughts, no visuals, no lights, no colors, no images, no pictures, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!

 

I think I’m lacking inspiration : (

 

By the way, this was the last painting I did, at the end of last year,

 

 

 

Roughing it 2011

So Happy New Year to everyone…. yes I know, I’m about 18 days late of wishing everyone a Happy New Year.  Lets just say it hasn’t been the best of new beginnings. At first I thought It was only myself and a few close people I know that were having a rough start. However the more people I speak to, it seems to be the general theme of the new year. … Hardship and a whole lotta PAIN!   I won’t go in detail what my issues are or what I’m dealing with at the moment but the amount of stress is at a level 10.  I’m sure I’ll be fine along with the many people who are going through the same difficulties.   I had an idea  something painful was a brewing in the works. I mean it’s not everyday when the day after christmas at the height of a blizzard, everything shuts down, only to walk home about 5 miles in about 3 feet of snow during a hectic blizzard. I didn’t think I was going to make but thanks to a Special person and some will power. I was able to make it through.. So I guess I should stay focus and just keep “walking” .

A guilty conscience needs to confess. A work of art is a confession.

- Albert Camus

 

 

 

 

one more time…

The Book List

I’m still working on my list of books to read, being that my birthday is right around on the corner I’ve been racking my brain trying to compile of list of books I’ve been wanting to read. I would go to Barnes and Noble to buy them however, It’s a bit of a pain in the ass to get there, let alone how many people who are simply standing around yapping to their friends while standing in the narrow isles.  I prefer to buy my books either from The Strand or online from Amazon.com.  Amazon.com is amazing I can buy anything from that site, books, clothes, makeup , furniture, etc!!!

 

 

Anyway back to the list…. this is what I have so far…

 

1. For the Love of the Dark One: Songs of Mirabai -  Mirabai

2. Catching The Thread – Llewellyn Vaughan Lee

3. The Face before I was born – Llewellyn Vaughan Lee

4.  The story of Layla and Majnun- Nizami

5. Island beneath the Sea- Isabel Allende

 

 

That’s all I have for the moment … 

 

 

away from the Kitchen!

Happy Thanksgiving Week to everyone !!  I hope everyone doesn’t overload on the food, sometimes being a glutton isn’t always a good thing . lol  I won’t be going home to Los Angeles to celebrate with my family, I’ll be keeping  it low-key and doing some cooking here at home.  I normally can’t stand to cook, but since I don’t really have choice it’s either to starve or …. starve.. then I guess I’ll have to keep my big mouth shut and get my ass in the kitchen to cook.

I do miss eating with my family for Thanksgiving, I remember when I was young girl it use to be my grandmothers, and my family. I would remember Early Thursday mornings my mother waking up around 7 am to cook that blasted ass turkey.  She would spend the whole day slaving in that kitchen to make an awesome meal. I always tried to keep out-of-the-way .. not because I was a well-behaved child but mainly because I hated being in that inferno kitchen doing any thing cooking related.  I would either be watching t.v, usually all the awesome cartoons would be on all day, or some sort of t.v sitcom marathon .. for some odd reason The Addams Family would have an all day marathon on Thanksgiving.. I never saw the connection…. Thanksgiving.. Addams Family….hmmm ..???  I’m not seeing the correlation lol !!!

My favorite Poet Mira

A Hundred Objects Close By

 

I know a cure sadness:

Let your hands touch something that

makes your eyes

smile.

I bet there are a hundred objects close by

that can do that.

Look at

beauty’s gift to us–

her  power is so great she enlivens

the earth, the sky, out

soul.

- Mirabai

 

Decorations are out already??

I was out walking my dog earlier  this evening, usually it’s a pretty decent walk however I had to take a different route because where I usually take her to do her business they are fixing and repairing the street.  I decided to walk down 2 blocks further down then I usual do, and sure enough what do I see… houses and Apts. with Xmas lights!  OHHH and what was even worse I’ve even seen people have their Christmas tree !!!

…

Really?? Thanksgiving is next week!! Can’t people just hold off one more before the month-long of listening to sounds of repetitive   Xmas songs,  let alone the insanity of Xmas shopping.  Don’t get me wrong I do like Christmas time and this will probably be either the 3rd or 4th time I celebrate Christmas, I participate in decorating the apartment but that usually happens when its DEC 1st! lol

Fall is finally here..

The year of reading

I went to Barnes and Noble today after having some decently tasty coffee, well more like Cappuccino with a good friend.  I was around the area of Union Square/14th street.

I had to really use the bathroom so I made my way into the Barnes and Noble, I usually don’t like going in because it’s filled with tons and tons of people just standing there … stagnate. M patience has a tendency to wear thin when people don’t know where the hell they’re going let alone just to simple stand in front everyone. GET OUT OF THE FUCKEN WAY!!  ok.. was I saying oh yeah… so after I used the bathroom, I made my way to the top floor which is the Fiction/lit. section, It’s been a while since I’ve read a good book, So I thought  …… HEY WHY DON’T I CREATE A LIST OF BOOKS TO READ FOR THE WHOLE FREAKIN YEAR YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!   I’m currently working on the list I plan to read about as many books as possible. I’m thinking of starting in December probably after my birthday.  If anyone has suggestions on books, please feel free to let me know.

gotta love that accent !

I swear I can never get enough of the NYC accent lol  I hear it all the time here!! lol LOVE IT!

 

 

Poetry in motion

I’ve recently stumbled onto the works of Kabir and Mirabai, usually I’m not really a fan of poetry.  I just find it to be a  bit difficult to get into, most of it was because during my youth It had seemed  that every Tom, Dick  and Harry who had a pen and paper along with a wearing a hat, scarf or dirty shoes thought they were poets. So being the nice person that I am, I would be asked to read a lot of crappy poetry.

I would never tell them the honest truth of how I felt about poetry let alone, how I felt about ‘THEIR” poetry. I would simply smile with a wide-eyed gaze as though I had just discovered a new world, then I would continue to nod my head and say “ooooohhh ahhh great job!”  I didn’t want to be mean or discourage them from writing however I couldn’t bring myself to say ” ughhh boring not interested please stop”.  lol    Not too long ago I had read a few poems from Rumi which I found to be very beautiful, but it was Hafiz that drew me in, there is something in his poem that were just bold…straight and to the point.  After reading Hafiz, my reading of poetry was satisfied until the other night. I had read a poem from Mirabai;

The Earth — My own body I explored

One night as I walked in the desert

the mountains rode on my shoulders

and the sky became my heart,

and the earth– my own body; I explored.

Every object began to wink at me, and Mira wisely

calculated the situation, thinking:

My charms must be at

their height –

now would a good time to

rush into His arms,

maybe He won’t drop me

so quick.

I mean tell me that isn’t freaking awesome!! such power of words and imagery, I am  very much hooked on to her poems.

Even Longer for her…

“Three years went by and I had not

slept with a

man.

I consulted the moon about this

and she said,

it had even been longer

for her,

but she didn’t think she was

missing much.”

- Mirabai

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May I have a Beer please????

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve been Alcohol free for the past 2 to 3 months .. I think I can’t really remember however at this very moment I am DYINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG..  to have one ! Just a small sip… a tiny one.. a little itty bitty sip of beer…

My main reason for not drinking is due to therapy, It seems as though my years of consumption of the deliciousness we call alcohol, I have abused it and  mainly due to feelings of depression. I never really drank to enjoy or have a good time but mostly to forget and escape  all my issues, problems, stress, and feelings. The list is endless :/   .. So while I am working through my mental problems I am not allowed to drink at all until I resolve all of my issues.  So far it hasn’t been to bad but for some reason this past week , let alone today I have been wanting to drink some beer.  I don’t mean just one or two, I’m in the mood to drink as many as humanly possible until I completely pass out and not remember a dam thing.

Luckly I haven’t done so   I have been drinking  more water than usual, sadly it doesn’t do the trick : / lol..

and now for something different :)

Day 7

the late late night blog

Day 6

My day went pretty slow today, My eye is finally healing.. but for most of the time I wore my shades ,sporting a swollen bare eye to outside world isn’t very appealing.  I don’t have much to say but I thought I would share my favorite painting by Paul Albert Steck ( Ophelia Drowning ) …  I remember seeing this picture in an Art book when I was 17 and I thought, it was such an amazing art piece, it holds a lot of personal emotion to me on top of that the year before I had read Hamlet       ( great read by the way) so I thought I would share simply for the hell of it! 

Silence

Day 5

” There’s a moon in my body…
There’s a moon in my body, but I can’t see it!
A moon and a sun.
A drum never touched by hands, beating, and I can’t hear it! ”      – Kabir

Are you happy? = a punch in the face !

Day 4

 

Sadly my eye infection has gotten worse, it seems to be traveling up onto the whole of my eye lid .. bleh! I am using a hot compress to reduce the swelling and this gooey clear antibiotic to kill the infection. However I  can’t see a dam thing out of my left eye.   Yet here I am still blogging lol I sure am  trooper

Over the years I’ve been asked this same question  by several different people…..   ” Are you Happy?”  Now usually this question is asked in the context of my life.    Being that I picked up and moved to NYC about 7 years ago, I’ve been away from family and friends.  You start to really wonder who  you truly are especially when you live far away from your comforts.    So of course I’ve been asked ” Karina are you Happy?” this is usually from people who are back home…  I’m going to be quiet honest.. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME STUPID QUESTION!  After all how can someone sum up their struggles, achievements, aspirations, opportunities, and most of all experiences in one freaking word .. let alone the word ‘HAPPY”  there are ways of using that question.. for example:

Karina are you happy about the new Cajun fries at Popeye’s?” OH HELL YEA I’M HAPPY THEIR FREAKING DELICIOUS!

or

Karina ” are you happy that your mom bought you that coat that is 3 times bigger then your size ?” NO because I feel I’m wearing an armor but at least layering for the winter wont be a problem!.

or

Karina ” Are you Happy, that Thanksgiving is right around the corner ?”  YES, time for great deals on shopping and going broke !!! wooo awesome!

It’s ridiculous to think ” are you happy ” questions to  (applying it to your life, relationship, and spirituality) those are subjects that are immensely complex. It is impossible to answer it with a simple Yes… or No.

I JUST LAUGH
~ by Kabir (c. 1440-1518)

If I told you the truth about God,
you might think I was an
idiot.

If I lied to you about the Beautiful One
you might parade me through the streets shouting,“This guy is a genius!”

This world has its pants on backwards.
Most carry their values and knowledge in a jug that has a big hole in it.

Thus having a clear grasp of the situation
if I am asked anything these days

I just laugh!