up and running again..

I finally have the electricity up and running again in my apt. Thank goodness, now I don’t have sit inthe dark anymore walking around with a candle stick. I must say though candle light is pretty cool it has this illuminating affect not sure as to why but, I enjoy it. So basically this is my first blog back online.  AWESOME ! lol   Things have been pretty difficult in the past few weeks, only to have them be even much more harder this up and coming weeks. Its funny as I had this thought in my mind while I was at work. It was a slow day and i was looking out the window, I just wish I could open the window and simply fly away. Not really sure where Iwould go, but just the very fact I could fly away from everything and not have to worry anymore about the stress of trying to get by. Sometimes I try very hard to keep positive and I feel like “hey I can make it” !  Most of the time i feel beat down and just ready to throw in the towel. I never thought life could be so rough, I feel as though I’ve lived many lives and yet here I am trying to make sense of everything.    I’m thinking if I should just go back home to cali maybe regroup and start a new. Who knows…. But I have to realise a few things I do want…..

1. continue working on my art work.

 

2. work with people in service.

 

3.CHILDREN!!!

 

Those are the main things that are calling to me and which are immensely important to me at this time.

tunnels

Tell me this is not the most coolest freakin ass picture you have ever seen!!! this was taken from the 59th street station in NYC. Sadly I didn’t take it plus I wouldn’t be able to take this picture unless I knew how to fly like R.Kelly  ( I BELIEVE I CAN FLY WOOOOOOOOOO! I CAN BELIEVE I CAN TOUCH THE SKYYYYYY !  I THINK ABOUT IT EVERY NIGHT AND DAY YYYYYY ! AYYYYYYY AYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!) Opps sorry got carried away  . Well back to my story as I mentioned in my last blog I’m doing this huge project which is titled Murder World.   OK OK OK hold on a second now. let me explain   going so in this same station on 59th street heading Uptown taking the 6 train, I usually walk all the way towards the front of the station that way I can easily find a seat. As I wait there is a the edge of the train track walk way.  For some reason I use to stare into the tunnel all the time. I just thought it had a great structure and feel to it.

 

see that’s the edge of the walk way and staring straight down into the tunnel the two lights are really these really small tunnel lights but, my phone camera kinda sucks so it amplifies in type of lights.  There are actually two tunnels, one going straight and the other to the left. Its pretty dark in there but I just love the way it looks. It simply reminds me of a portal to somewhere new…….. Its like every time I stare at it there seems to be an adventure just waiting for me if I can just past the red sign …….  If can just sneak over and allow myself to follow the train tracks … where will it take me ……… and once I do should I continue straight or try left…  I’m just so curious I simply want see …….where… will … the… tunnel…. take .. ………..m..e..!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok so back to the project …

My best friend he’s a huge fan of horror flicks! sometimes I think he likes to pretend that he is part of horror flick. His imagination has tendency to get the better of him.  He’s a good guy and I love him dearly like my brother. I’ve known him for so many years.  There is a running joke that we have, my significant other has made a joke about him in a nice fun way lol. He had said my best friend was from Murder World. He would travel from one world to the next kind of like Bishop from Xmen.

 ( * if you don’t know who Bishop is I suggest you GOOGLE it :p )     

I just thought it would be the coolest if I drew this tunnel add a little of my own twists to it and call it the Portal to Murder world!  I’m hoping to start working on it soon. 

 

                                                                Wish me luck friends!!

coldies…

It was really freaking cold today, I knew I was expecting it to be cold but I wasn’t expecting it to come so sudden.  Don’t get me wrong I love the Fall and Winter is starting to be on its way, its just a bit difficult to get use to the time change.  The sun sets at about 6:00 most of the time I think i’m out late when really its still early in the evening.  I’ve been a bit lazy looking for my stupid coat let alone taking it to the cleaners.  My day wouldn’t have been so bad if I didn’t hurt my dam neck. Some how I made a quick turn …. and before you know it I have to move around like i’m wearing a batman suit. COMPLETELY STIFF!!! no fun (super sad face) 

 I started to draw again, not so much that I had stopped before but, I really didn’t have any supplies to practice drawing the way I would like. The great thing though is that I redecorated my apartment pasting tongs of pictures all over the walls. It makes me smile ! I have more pictures to post up on my walls. I sketched  whatever popped in my head. It basically started out with a Forrest type scenery, it wasn’t too bad but for some reason I went a little crazy with the charcoal and it ended up turning into this dreary depressed sketch lol I’m not sure as to why though. It just looks like one of those therapy paintings that people do when their sad and depressed at the point of desperation. I see if I can post it up later……….

 to be cont…………………………………………….

Holding on to memories

I often wonder if I’m the only one who sometimes remember certain memories when doing the most basic of things. I think the most common is of a song, usually its tied into reminding you of a certain person maybe an old friend, family or even your first love.  I have many songs in which mind of people most of the time its a positive memory even when at the time it was the most painful. But everyday there is a small little routine I do which always reminds me to a particular time when I was in 6th grade. Its stayed with me and I think really affected me as a child.  I normally wear makeup everyday mainly because I enjoy putting it on I find it to be fun, I also have many blemishes I’m not to happy about so as they say, “you can always cover it with make up”  Every day I after I wash the grime and yucky oil off of my skin I moisturize then I put on a foundation which is similar to my skin color to cover up my blemishes making my face look flawless.  This is where the memory kicks in every time I put on my foundation…(!!!!!!!!FLASHBACK !!!!!!!!!!!!!) ………………

 

6TH GRADE I was12years old, most of the area of where I lived were mainly Mexicans, (yes I too am half mexican and Salvadorean) so most of my features were closely related to my grandmother, my mother’s mommy (the picture on the right is my grandma, the other picture is of my father’s mother, I called her my mamalita ) 

 

 

 

 

There is a large variety of what a Mexican can look like, it ranged from either pale skin with green eyes or blue and blonde to brown hair. It was very close to having a European look as opposed to other Mexicans who were of a darker complexion, jet black hair, dark eyes. It seemed that the more indigenous or native look you had, you were definitely going to be made fun of…. Sadly I was always made fun of for looking native. I’m not sure as to why really I had a few other friends were the similar complexion as i was with jet black and they too we’re made fun of, most of my fights in school we’re based on my complexion.  I use to pretend to not let it bother me but at some point it would drive me bonkers (yes i said bonkers i’m bringing it back!) 

one day i was getting ready for school in my parents room because my mother had her blow dryer in there, I also liked being nosey and going through all her fancy creams and expensive lotions in her dresser drawer. I stumbled on to some foundation she had in her small bag. It was given to her as a gift in a little package, I had tried it on my hand… I thought it was similar to my shade of color but it was just a tad bit lighter I didnt’ think anyone would notice plus I thought why not it looked just like cream maybe it’ll make me look prettier and my class mates would stop bugging my complexion.  I basically slapped it on all over my face just like cream! I didn’t see a difference!  I went to school… the first thing out of everyone mouth is ‘what happened to your face?” ARE YOU WEARING MAKEUP ???  WHY IS IT LIGHTER THEN THE REST OF YOU???? of course the slew of laughter from every angle. I made an excuse that I had put on the wrong type of cream on my face. The excuse kind of worked but the whole day just made me feel miserable I had tried really hard to wipe it off my face, I even went to the disgusting school bathrooms trying to wash it off with that disgusting water in the sinks. It didn’t help …. I was happy though the day was over, I ran home scrubbed the skin off of my face. 

( return from FLASHBACK)   ………………… SO now every time i put on foundation that little memory always pops in my head. It makes me laugh now but, back then it use to piss me off daily. Luckily my father taught me how to fight and defend myself so at some point a lot of girls we’re sporting the black eyes courtesy of yours truly.   After all with my pops looking like Tony Montana from Scarface teaching you how to defend yourself, you would be crazy not to pass out some black eyes.  THANKS PAPA (thumbs up   )